We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
