he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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