Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
you made out with another girl for some wings
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
