I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
