guys are not supposed to queef...right?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
