I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
