Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
