He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
