no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
