just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
