i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
