I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
