WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you have to choose: penises or morals?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
