saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
