Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
