Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
