I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
