Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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