Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
