My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
