just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
