tell your sister to shave her snatch
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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