At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
