i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
