I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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