My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
