I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Randomize
