walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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