i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
