Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
