porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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