Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
be right there i have to get my cape
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
