just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
