You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have post one night stand depression
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
