my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
