omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
