i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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