there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
