I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
