Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
