filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
