i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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