if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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