I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
