Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
