You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She needs sedatives and a leash
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
