I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
