my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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