Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
