Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
