Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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